Tonight I drove up a highway I haven't driven up in years, to a little town that was once home. A town that is for the most part ran down, with few people still living there, that has seen so much destruction in the last few years and has been for many years dubbed one of the biggest drug towns around. But you see tonight as I drove up the highway towards that little town I felt like I was going home..
You see two of my kids were born while I lived there and another was just a baby when we moved there. It was a fun little town where everyone knew your name, watched out for your kids and you felt safe.. At least when we first moved there.. We lived right by the school playground and my kids loved to play there, they had friends all over town and it was really just a quiet little town.. We used to joke as long as you lived and stayed north of pine street you were ok.. My kids went to school there most of their elementary years and they got almost one on one teaching because the school is so small.. We lived there several years then the kids and I moved to another place for a little bit, but we returned to what felt like home to us.. It might not have been much or meant much to many people but it was home to us.
Tonight as I was driving up there and as I pulled into town and I drove around just a little bit I saw that its a bit more ran down than it used to be, there are now bigger "creeks" in the roads, more houses have either burnt or be destroyed, while others sit empty, but a few things still remained the same. The feeling of familiar, of home, of much simpler days, when kids could run around, you could always count on having a house full of kids waiting to devour the cookies as they came out of the oven, taking a walk down to the river and stopping at the city park to swing and talk to others doing the same, the annual fall festival and you could almost always count on a heated game of manhunt spanning a few blocks especially during the summer. It was a place where I made some changes in my life, some were for the good while others maybe not so good. It was a place where I found myself and a place to call home. There were some not great things that happened there but I believe that is part of life.. I found what i felt was the love of a lifetime that lasted only a season, but in reality I did find the love of a lifetime.. I found my way back to Jesus while I was there.. To be honest when I lived there I really didn't have problems with people wanting to judge me, throw me under the bus it was a town of friends who wanted to help one another. I believe God placed me in that town for many reasons. Sometimes one needs to find their "home" the place He wants them to be, to do what He needs them to do and sometimes He moves them from that home and "family" and friends to another place. We don't always understand these moves or why He chooses to send up to certain places or place certain people in our lives. He has a plan and often when we get comfortable He moves us to another place another "home" of sorts to continue His will and to help us to step out of our comfort zones..
This drive down memory road tonight has helped me to make sense of somethings that have been going on in my life. First of all God knows that I am not a big fan of change.. I deal with it and I can make it but I sometimes dig in my fingernails and clench my teeth and hold on to anything I can to keep me in the familiar things.. A few weeks ago God was speaking to me about missions and having a mission minded life.. I was so eager to talk to a friend of mine about this, but she was not where she could be reached at the time.. So I was waiting for the perfect time and before I found that time something happened.. Something that crushed me to the core. Bottom line I was not ever able to share what was going on in my life with my friend, the one friend I just knew would understand and be happy about what was going on.. This last year has been full of changes for me, some I handled like a boss while others not so much.. I love to help others, to be the kind of friend I hope to have and sometimes I spread myself to thin, but I had been praying and seeking God. My mission the last few years has been to help with Vacation Bible School and to help at the first place I asked Jesus into my heart all those years ago Church camp, both of which I am not helping with this summer. Now before you gasp and wonder whats up let me just say that I am not entirely sure what God is up too but I know that He has a plan and whatever it is I am ready. Will I miss helping in these spots this year? Yes but as awesome as I know camp is and as much as I love love love being there the past few years I believe the devil has really been attacking and that maybe it is time to take a break from that, regroup and see what God has in store for me. I will tell you this was a heartbreaking thing for me and it wasn't until tonight driving the highway to my old home town to the town I know call home that it dawned on me that we have to bloom where planted.
Sometimes when we move from our "homes" to a new one we have to do something different, we have to be open to change all the while hanging onto our faith in Jesus Christ and knowing He is in control and to let Him place us where He wants us and trust Him.. After all He is the only one who loves us more than we could ever be loved by another human, He is the only one who knows whats best for us, the people we should be friends with, the places we should go, the things we should do and He will never leave us or fore sake us, He will never hurt us, He is always with us and that as long as we trust Him everything will turn out..
So maybe it is time to step out of my comfort zone, to reach out for His hand and continue on this journey that He has me on.. Memories are good, familiar is good, but stepping out into the great unknown in faith is one heck of a ride.. Thank You Jesus for this trip down memory road..
Good Night and God Bless
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