In the beginning things were so good and you know what I was content with how things were at that time and would not have changed the beginning for anything.. I wish we could have had more time together, but we had all the time we could. You made me feel so special, so loved and so wanted, in fact it felt so good and so right I tried a few times to run away........ Everytime I returned to you and I loved you more and more with each passing moment I thought I would die without you. You made me promises and did things for me noone else had ever done and I was in awe... We had bumps yes, but in the beginning we were both willing to work to make things better and after awhile you seemed to give up like there was no way I could ever make you as happy as you first thought.. I would do just about anything for you and I guess maybe I was blinded by love or maybe it was stupidity. When I tried to walk away and couldn't it was because I felt like God was drawing me back to you I felt like He had a purpose to fufill through us and our family.
I know kinda how God feels when He draws us to Himself and yet we try to keep doing our own thing. I know how He feels when His people whom He loves and wants to be with turn away and go thier own way not really caring about His ways.
I maybe should not have pulled away when I felt you pulling away from me.. I tried to keep loving you and making you happy and you would not let me.. I know that their are things we could have done differently and the one main thing that sticks out in my head is that we could have kept Christ in the center of our relationship, looked to Him and His word to help us make it all work out..
Now it seems as though you never cared as I thought you did and like it was all a lie.. I hope deep in my heart that was not the case for you. I pray that someday God has a talk with you and you realize that yes I had blame in it as well, but it was not all me.
God has a sense of humor and a way of showing us things in a different way than we think. I pray that someday you wake up and know just how much you were loved, wanted and needed not just by me or my kids, but by your family and most inportantly by God.. Every night as I go to bed I pray that God wrap you in His arms and kiss you goodnight to make sure you feel loved.. I have said it before I wish I did not like you or care for you because maybe life would be better, but I do care and I pray for you everyday. It is not enough to talk the talk, but you need to learn to walk to walk and talk the talk at the same time... You are a blessing.. God has a purpose for you please don't ignore what God calls you do to..
This goes for anyone reading this God has a plan and a reason for things. His ways are not our ways, for His are better.. Don't think you can fool God by only living for Him at certain times or in certain ways... He knows and He has a way of humbling His people to bring them back. If God is calling you to do something then do it, don't tell God to hold on because He does not tell you too.....
God Bless..
Just know that when you feel that snuggly feeling at night or the brush of angels wings I have prayed for God to kiss you and tuck you in tight and help you to feel loved..
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